I’ve been an entrepreneur for more than 2 and a half years and there are days when I ask myself ‘why I am I doing this?’ It gets even harder when I see my friends taking overseas trips to exotic places and they seem to be able to afford many things I cannot. I had to give up quite a lot when I started my business and my ego took a knock. It’s only natural that I wonder whether I made the right decision, especially when things look bleak.
There are months when I don’t get enough revenue and I still have bills to pay (school fees, groceries, electricity etc.). My mind tends to go into a negative spin and I start thinking that maybe it’s time to quit and go back to a normal corporate life. When I feel like quitting, it’s usually because I am feeling so down from beating myself up for being a ‘failure’. I feel like I am not living up to my full potential and I am not cutting it.
The biggest lesson I’m learning right now is that I am my biggest critic. I am the result of my own negative thoughts and narrative. I am the one who puts out my own negative smear campaign and the biggest contributor to this ‘self-sabotage’.
To get out of this space, I had to train my thoughts. When something negative started brewing, I try to literally ‘klap the negativity’ back into place. I even have a name for the negative voice – I call her Martha. Martha has been around for a long time and she’s often used shame to protect me; but her protection is more of a hindrance especially when I need to get things done. By naming her, I gave her a physical form that I can now talk to and say ‘Hey wena Martha! Go back to your place. I don’t need you right now’. As I write excitedly write this article, I can still hear her say ‘Will anyone ever read this blog?’ and I have to repeat the answer in my head ‘Off course they will. Now go back to your box and stop disturbing me’.
I need to get rid of the negative limitations by raising my own awareness to these thoughts. So here is the new language I plan to use:
|From negative MARTHA||To positive, beautiful and creative MOSIDI|
|You are not good enough
You will never succeed
No one wants to buy your services
No one likes you
Your friends are making more money than you
|I am a beautiful child of God
I am creating my own version of success
I know people will find value in what I do
I love me and so does my daughter
Yes, they are and I am so happy for them and their success
It takes a lot of effort to fight the negative self-talk. It doesn’t happen overnight. It’s constant reminder every minute or every day that you are beautiful and powerful beyond measure. It also takes time to accept yourself for who you are and to live a beautiful life with positive thoughts. Look deep within yourself and know that you can and you will. I CAN and WILL defeat Martha.